![]() ![]() ![]() It is also patronizing to assume that waiters are available for friendship, much less flirting. If you were interfering with service or getting personal, your mother would be right to object. Even period dramas about aristocrats show them chatting with their domestic staff during dinner, which they would never have done. The presumption of invisibility is now recognized as rude. When Miss Manners once waited on a table at a charity event, then socialized with the guests afterwards, they repeated much of their dinner conversation - imagining that she had not heard it when standing silently behind their chairs. GENTLE READER: The custom to which your mother is referring dates from when servants were considered robots. Is my mother correct that I am too polite in these circumstances? I always seem to be given excellent service, and the service providers seem relaxed and pleasant enough. If this is the case, I am missing it completely. There were brief pleasantries, but no chatting about anything personal, and certainly no flirting.Īpparently, my mother feels that I am inappropriately treating waitstaff and salesclerks as if they were hosting me in their homes, rather than providing a paid service, that I am making them uncomfortable by blurring boundaries, and that I am wasting their time by using too many words. At the end of the meal, I returned his cheerful wish that we have a nice holiday. I spoke to him in full sentences, made eye contact when addressing him, said "please," "thank you" and "if it is not too much trouble," knowing full well that it was his job to go to the trouble. So, I called the waiter "sir" when I needed his attention. I have great respect for anyone who is honest and hardworking. Moreover, I have never seen the people working in service industries as in any way beneath me. ![]() It has always seemed to me that the world could use a bit more kindness and respect, and people whose job it is to serve the public probably need more than most. ![]()
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